Before I start this blog I must address this asshole that keeps calling me from blocked numbers threatening my life. I am at peace with my GOD so death does not scare me at all. I will share with you this; if you going to try your hand DON'T MISS because you will not get a second try at it.
During my 3 week stay in the rehab facility I became friends with just about all of my fellow substance abusers. One of my roommates and I completed the program one day apart, it was kind of funny because I had told this guy in passing that I didn't know how I was getting home because everyone who could pick me up would be at work at the time of my release, the night before I was to leave a young lady that I had become friends with told me that her mom was going to pick her up and they would drive me home, upon being released and walking to the front door I look up and there he was my roommate who left the day before coming back to pick me up. Rehab was a different experience than any I have ever had, it was the first time in my life that I had to live amongst a majority of white people and I didn’t feel any racial tension. Nobody in that building had any race issues and if they did it didn’t show at all, we all had one thing that kept us all bonded together like Brothers and Sisters and that was the fact that we were all Substance Abusers trying to get clean. Drugs and alcohol don’t care what color you are. Anyway being in that place my roommate and I became really close, he reminded me of one of my Uncles, they are the same age with young looks, they both are loud and funny, they both change their clothes several times a day, and they chase women all the time. During our stay in rehab he taught me so much about the disease of substance abuse, and gave me lots of prime examples of how serious it really was. Upon my release from rehab I noticed he was acting kind of strange but I just chalked it up to the fact that we were in that building for 21 days around the same people and he was just extra happy to be out. The day after I got out I went to an AA meeting where I ran into him, after the meeting he suggested that we hang out and get something to eat. As the day went on he would disappear into the bathroom and a few minutes after coming back he would start acting rather weird. After his second time to the bathroom and returning in a goofy state I realized that he was getting high again. I was upset by it but I didn’t let his relapse stop my flow.
Last week I got a call from another young lady we were in rehab with and she was in a bind and needed a ride, when I got to her she was with my rehab roommate and they were both high as a kite, I was so pissed off at them that I didn’t know what to do with myself. They were like a really big disappointment to me. I tried not to let my anger get the best of me because I know that in the drop of a dime I could be in that same position, I had as much patience as I could and got them where they needed to go. A few days later I called my roommate to check on him and he told me that he was all right and that he had gotten really depressed and that’s why he got messed up, I took that with a grain of salt and just said a prayer for him. Last night I called him again to check on him and got his father on the phone who told me that my roommate was in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer and that he had drunk rubbing alcohol and orange juice in an attempt to get wasted.
Now here is my take on this situation: I know alcoholism is a disease with no known cure but with the proper tools and a good support system you can fight it day by day. I know for a fact that my roommate has the all the tools needed and a hell of a support system, so I feel that he should not be using again. I know for me; I have the tools and a wonderful supporting family, friends, and my AA family, so if I fall it’s because I am not using my network of people and I have fallen victim to my committee that sits at the round table in my head. I have cravings just like any other alcoholic and I can just taste the liquor on my tongue sometimes but I just refuse to hinder my life again by drinking. I remember him telling me of how sick we both are with our addiction and how going back to doing it would kill us without question, I took those words along with what the Doctors told me and ran with it but why can’t he do the same? I myself just believe that those are the actions of a truly unhappy man and that it has been his trying to commit suicide and doesn’t want to do it directly. I deal with stress and depression every single day and sometimes I don’t even think I’m going to make it but when those feelings take me to a dark place I PRAY AND I PRAY HARD, I ask GOD to help me, heal me, and to restore my spirit to a happier place where I can just be happy for the things that I do have in my possession. I also pray for the healing of LOVE ONE, and myself. I never want to even ponder the thoughts of suicide again nor do I want to entertain the thoughts of drinking alcohol again. A good friend of mine gave me a really great scripture that explains to me why I am still sober. JUDE 1:24-25 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, 25 To God our Savior, Who alone is wise, Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power, Both now and forever. Amen.
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