Making Waves

Every since finishing the rehab program I spend a lot of time alone which can be a very dangerous place for a lot of recovering addicts because it leaves you with deepest, darkest thoughts. Me personally I have always like being alone with my thought because it puts me in touch with who I am and am content with that. I always think of how I played a MAJOR role in messing up my marriage and how I missed out on opportunities that were sat out in front of me that I didn't take because the alcohol told me not to. I think of how if I could turn back time how I would do things so much differently, I always cut those thoughts off at that point because we can't dwell in the past, a man recently told me that the past is just what it is and that your future is spotless so I try my best to make a mends for the things I have done that hurt anyone and to move forward to a brighter future. I like to think of all of this madness in my life as a learning experience to show me how to make my life better for my kids. I would not be able to keep my mind intact if not for all the Praying I do and the fact that GOD has set many Angels around me to keep me safe, calm, and sober

During depressed times I think of how I never intended to be an alcoholic, leave my wife to pay all the house bills on her own, or put my hands on her in such a violent way. I got a response from her concerning my blog and of course she wasn't happy. See I know putting my personal business out there would stir something up but it wasn't my intent on pissing anyone off but I am the type who has to let the truth be told. So to my wife if you feel upset because of this then that must mean you know how wrong you are but that's for you and GOD to handle. I am sorry for all the wrongs I have committed toward you and it was never my intentions to hurt you in any way.

This past weekend hanging out with friends they were talking about past events and the crazy thing to me was that of half of the things they said I did I just couldn't remember. Now I know I have experienced a drunken blackout or 2 but this weekend made me realize that it had been going on longer than I thought. After that night of talking with my friends all I could think was I am so glad I didn't do something worse during one of these blackouts and how glad it is to be sober. I never want to experience that again. There must be hundreds of people in prison right now for crimes they committed during a alcoholic blackout.

I truly THANK GOD for blessing me with a good family, the people of AA and the support I need to stay sober. I also am grateful for all the adversity that has transpire in my life over the past 90 days because it has shown me that I don't need alcohol to cope with stressful situations.